I can’t believe it’s May, and mid-May at that! 14 days of school left, not that I’m counting or anything! Cub Scouts is finished for the year; Jack has one regular-season game left. Rachel, Mary and I (along with Mom, Dad and Melanie) just returned from a wonderful visit to San Francisco to see Sara and Oli. Hopefully, we’ll have pictures uploaded soon. Feels like things *should* be winding down. We are so looking forward to the slower pace of summer (I know I am!). Camps are mostly in the first couple weeks, so we may actually have time to do those day trips to Chicago and Indy that we have been talking about for YEARS it seems! YAY! Along with that, we are trying to make some very big decisions about work and the house (yes, it is STILL in discussions). This is where my mind went the other night…
God has always provided for our family. Looking back, I see His hand throughout every aspect. The decisions that seemed the least logical, the least thought-out have proven to be the ones that work out the best in the long-run: quitting Osco, moving back to the Region, having Jack (and thus “triggering” the family bug and having all the children), cutting my hours after Grace was born, sending Jack to St. Mary’s for kindergarten. We didn’t think (much) about the consequences to these decisions or the financial aspects; we did what we thought we were being called to do at the time and trusted God to do the rest. So why is it that now I am trying to micromanage our life with our current prospects? Why am I obsessing over cutting back my hours (or how much to cut back) when I know it would help our family run more smoothly? Why am I STILL debating the merits of COEP versus SAMC? All these decisions that appear on the surface to be impulsive have been the ones that have shaped our lives so far. But instead of going with the call, we worry about COEP being farther away with shorter shifts (meaning more DAYS to work). I hear God’s words in my mind, “For I know the plans I have for you; plans for good and not for evil; plans to give you a future and hope.” But which way is He calling us? Cutting hours or going to COEP to (maybe) work from home someday? Or both? I feel He is calling me to something bigger or different than either of these, and I need to stop microanalyzing how it’s going to turn out or work. I am trying to play fortuneteller and bargain, “I’ll trust IF…” God has a plan for our family. I need to take out the “IF…”
Lord, I trust in You. Help my untrust. “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to Your Word.”
